Fishing Jokes

Two guys are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years.

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area. She explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!" Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape." The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you." To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!"

A woman goes into WalMart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a WalMart associate standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "That's amazing that you can tell me all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big time. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.
"I'm thirsty," said the first clergyman. "I'm going to go get myself a Coke." So he got out of the boat, walked across the water, and came back with his Coke.
"Ooh, that looks good," said the second clergyman and got out of the boat. He walked across the water, got his Coke, and came back.
"You're right," said the third clergyman. "I think I'll get one too." He steps out of the boat and sinks like a rock.
"Hey," said the first clergyman to the second clergyman, "Should we tell him where the rocks are?"

Last winter, while sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. The guy could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Nope." the man hollered back, "They haven't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there, he asked the guy, "How did you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do anything," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em!"

One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.

To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it. The man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day. Once they got to the middle of the lake, the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it and threw it in the water. After the explosion, fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"

A man took weekend fishing trips twice a month. His wife got used to them, and was sure to have all of his things packed when he came home after work on Friday. After some months of the same routine, she became concerned as to whether or not he actually was going fishing, but without any proof she wasn't going to confront him. One Sunday evening after returning from his "fishing" weekend, he confronted his wife. "All I ask from you is that you have my things ready when I get home from work. And this weekend, you forgot to pack me any clean underwear. Do you have any idea how I feel wearing the same underwear for 3 days?" The wife defended herself, "I didn't forget to pack your clean underwear." He snapped back, "Well, I didn't have any when I got to the lake. Where did you pack them, they weren't in my suitcase?" "No, " she replied, "This time I packed them in your tackle box."

One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside of a monastery. A monk came out and invited the man inside to have dinner and to spend the night. The stranded motorist gladly accepted the monk's offer.

That evening the man had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips. He decided to compliment the chef.

Entering the kitchen, the man asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?" "No," the chef replied, "I'm the chip monk."

A young zealous boy wanted desperately to work at a department store. He approached the store manager who responded they needed no help. Quite persistent, the boy returned again and again until the manager finally said, "We're having a holiday sale tomorrow. Why don't you show up and you can give it a try." The elated boy returned the following day and proceeded to sell. At the end of the day the store manager called the youngster over and asked how he had done. The boy responded that he had sold $79,083.50 worth of merchandise. The manager asked how he had done so well. The young man said, "Well this guy was going fishing so I asked if he wanted some fish hooks, he said sure, That's $1.50. I asked if he had a nice fishing pole, he said no, so I got a graphite extension pole for $43.50. Do you have a nice reel, not yet replied the customer... so I got him a nice quick release reel for $35. I asked where he was going fishing and he said the Gulf of Mexico. I told him the best places to catch fish are near Ship Island, "Do you have a boat?" The man said he didn't so I set him up with a nice outboard 30 foot cruiser for $28,000. Then I asked if he had a trailer. He didn't, so I got him a double axle trailer for $3,000. Then I asked what he had to tow the boat. He only had a station wagon, so I told him that just wouldn't do, but we could get him a nice fully loaded Dodge Ram dually, racked and packed with a tow package, trailer hitch and everything for $48,000.00. He wanted it all." As you can imagine the store manager was astounded. "And to think it all began with that man asking for a package of fish hooks?" The boy replied, "Oh no, it all began with him asking for some tampons which were $3.50, so I replied, "Well you aren't going to be doing much else this weekend, you might as well go fishing!"

Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite.

Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?"

Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."

Jethro asks, "What did you say?"

Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."

Jethro again asks, "What?"

Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"

A priest was walking along the beach at Horn Island when he came upon two locals from Biloxi pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see," said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man." As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath. and the game warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see your fishing license, boy!" the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes sir," replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."

Please contact us at strictlytoo@hotmail.com or fishchartr@aol.com. We can also be reached via phone at (228) 392-3396 or (228) 392-4047 to make reservations for a deep sea fishing excursion with Strictly Business Fishing Charters.

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